I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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