i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
