I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
How does one acquire holy water?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
