And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Boobs speak an international language.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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