Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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