do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
