Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize