They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
