So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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