Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I love you.
Bad choice
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
