i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
