I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
i out mim tonsoeep
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