Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
