I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
