This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
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I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
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My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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