dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
