38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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