bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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