Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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