I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
