I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
