So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
