Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
