yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
