It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
