Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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