You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
