It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
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He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
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What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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