yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
