is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i need some magic done to my vagina
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
