K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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