I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
