Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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