I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
