if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
