I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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