Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
