My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
