He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize