i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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