Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
