I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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