Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
