Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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