Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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