Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
