Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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