When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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