i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
