I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Randomize
