halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
