i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
