I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
