Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
