The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
