I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
