please come you make the beer taste better
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
