just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
