evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My penis needs a shock collar
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
