I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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