Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
