I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
