He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
