You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
we're making bets on your personal life
i want to swaddle you in tequila
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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