If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
